I was back in the saddle leading worship music this past weekend and it felt awesome. I think my “Sunday off” provided some much needed rest. I didn’t know it at the time, but I felt notably more rejuvenated and refreshed going into the morning. Each service felt right. In fact, one of the congregants commented on my “increased energy” (which I’m taking as a compliment because he smiled 😉 ).
Matt, one of my fellow pastors, also noticed my changed demeanor. In jest, he mentioned that I probably felt good because I was up front leading again and to be honest, part of me knew he was right. My identity crisis from the week before brought up some hidden fears and insecurities that I know I need to work on, but they’re not going to change overnight. New habits need to be formed and emotional chains need to be broken. It will be a process for sure, but I can’t do it on my own. It all starts with surrender.
Every song from this past weekend’s set ministered to me, especially in light of what I’m working through. I am confident that regardless of the mistakes I make and lies I believe, the grace of God enables me to be the person whom I’ve been created to be (Ephesians 2:8-10). To receive and live in His grace, I have to fully surrender myself to Him. I need His help; not just to experience His grace, but also to remind me that I can’t work through my problems without Him. By continually placing my fears and insecurities in the hands of Jesus through prayer, I acknowledge my dire need for His help. Through Him, I can trade my identity’s faulty foundation based on what I do for a firm one based on what He’s done for me. There may be days when I am tempted to do otherwise, but I know that He will walk with me through them regardless.